Thursday, October 30, 2014

Tuesday is coming

Tuesday is coming..
and it has me thinking...
there were these great thundering storms this summer
that brought in 
these evenings of color
I love vibrant colors.. 
I hate some of these photos
they are NOT as crisp as they used to be
Moriarty is messing with my EYE

but I enjoyed the nights all the same..
evenings of dramatic sounds and sights..
thunder and light shows...
evenings on the porch
Life's big thoughts
with all my very favorite people..
(were you there?)

these nights brought deep sleeps for me
(I don't sleep well in the "city")
somewhere lately
sleeping and waking
 I feel my heart breaking

from my journal...
October 13
"I don't know if Moriarty is just messing with me.. but
I do believe it's in the place between waking and sleeping, where dreams still drift, wafting and waning...that their memories somehow still live most vibrantly.. because I heard her voice, so bold and clear... and woke up weeping when I realized she wasn't in the room with me.. missing mom today…"
that happens a lot lately..
this vibrant memory thing..
the feeling of mom
or dad
BEING with me
smelling them
or sensing one of them..
hearing them..
in the time in between..
not really knowing in that place in space
who is still HERE and who has gone on …
and my heart breaking
all over again..
and then
I look in the mirror
and say
"suck it up buttercup".

this morning
as I woke up, 
thoughts of my own mortality covered me like a blanket
enveloped me..
almost smothering me
Moriarty is messing with my mind
but MY GOD is so much bigger than
this little tumor in my brain
messing with my sight
messing with my memory
messing with my waking and sleeping

and I am thankful for being alive
lights on
cups of hot tea;
blankets that are knit and comfy
and laughter loud and vibrant…
music and pumpkins carved and glowing..
Tuesday is coming

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