Monday, October 27, 2014

Catching My Eye

I have learned in the past month,
that I have a brain tumor
It's wrapped itself around my optic nerve
and I am having a procedure to hopefully 
kill it..
because the chance of blindness increases
if I choose 
to do nothing..

I have always 
ALWAYS told my children
that doing NOTHING
is doing something
so make sure you CHOSE to do that.

I don't believe we should just LET life happen.
I feel strongly we should EMBRACE life
really LIVE it.
I don't by ANY means think we should try to control it.
But we should by all means OWN it..
it's OUR life
a GIFT from God after all
and we only GET one of them.

we each walk roads…
they take us places…
onward to adventures,
back to home and family and friends…
sometimes we walk trails
or paths
or highways
or meandering country roads..
but life is a journey
and walk on I will
ever following after my Savior...

The procedure I am having is called a "Gamma Knife"
It is a little scary.
but there are scarier procedures..
Buddy asked if I was scared..
when I think of all the things that could happen IF I just..
ignore this..
just do nothing..
it's honestly a LOT scarier..
so I don't know who first said the quote..
but I like it
"You have to WANT IT more than you are AFRAID OF IT"
and that seems to fit here…
I want this treatment
because of what it CAN do
more than I am afraid of it..
I WANT the hope
MORE than I am afraid of this Tumor
I want LIFE
more than I am afraid of all its rawness
all is pain.

I Want to SEE these views again
and again

I want to look out on the beauty of God's Creation
and give thanks
for EVERY thing
the good, the bad
the ugly..
because its LIFE
and LIFE can be raw
and messy
and painfully real

and in it's ruggedness
it's beautiful
and I am thankful.
thankful for the air I breath..
the love of family and friends
who's love
saved me from the sin that is me…
I am SO thankful
and am trying to drink it all in

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