Tuesday is coming

Tuesday is coming..

and it has me thinking...

there were these great thundering storms this summer

that brought in 

these evenings of color

I love vibrant colors.. 

I hate some of these photos

they are NOT as crisp as they used to be

Moriarty is messing with my EYE

but I enjoyed the nights all the same..

evenings of dramatic sounds and sights..

thunder and light shows...

evenings on the porch

reminiscing 

thinking 

pondering

discussing

Life's big thoughts

with all my very favorite people..

(were you there?)

these nights brought deep sleeps for me

(I don't sleep well in the "city")

and 

somewhere lately

someplace 

between 

sleeping and waking

 I feel my heart breaking

from my journal...

October 13

"I don't know if Moriarty is just messing with me.. but

I do believe it's in the place between waking and sleeping, where dreams still drift, wafting and waning...that their memories somehow still live most vibrantly.. because I heard her voice, so bold and clear... and woke up weeping when I realized she wasn't in the room with me.. missing mom today…"

that happens a lot lately..

this vibrant memory thing..

the feeling of mom

or dad

BEING with me

smelling them

or sensing one of them..

hearing them..

in the time in between..

not really knowing in that place in space

who is still HERE and who has gone on …

waking

and my heart breaking

all over again..

and then

I look in the mirror

and say

"suck it up buttercup".

this morning

as I woke up, 

thoughts of my own mortality covered me like a blanket

enveloped me..

almost smothering me

Moriarty is messing with my mind

but MY GOD is so much bigger than

this little tumor in my brain

messing with my sight

messing with my memory

messing with my waking and sleeping

and I am thankful for being alive

and

HOME

with

lights on

cups of hot tea;

blankets that are knit and comfy

and laughter loud and vibrant…

music and pumpkins carved and glowing..

Tuesday is coming