Catching My Eye

I have learned in the past month,

that I have a brain tumor

It's wrapped itself around my optic nerve

and I am having a procedure to hopefully 

kill it..

because the chance of blindness increases

if I choose 

to do nothing..

I have always 

ALWAYS told my children

that doing NOTHING

is doing something

so make sure you CHOSE to do that.

I don't believe we should just LET life happen.

I feel strongly we should EMBRACE life

really LIVE it.

I don't by ANY means think we should try to control it.

But we should by all means OWN it..

it's OUR life

a GIFT from God after all

and we only GET one of them.

we each walk roads…

they take us places…

onward to adventures,

back to home and family and friends…

sometimes we walk trails

or paths

or highways

or meandering country roads..

but life is a journey

and walk on I will

ever following after my Savior...

The procedure I am having is called a "Gamma Knife"

It is a little scary.

but there are scarier procedures..

Buddy asked if I was scared..

when I think of all the things that could happen IF I just..

ignore this..

just do nothing..

it's honestly a LOT scarier..

so I don't know who first said the quote..

but I like it

"You have to WANT IT more than you are AFRAID OF IT"

and that seems to fit here…

I want this treatment

because of what it CAN do

more than I am afraid of it..

I WANT the hope

MORE than I am afraid of this Tumor

I want LIFE

more than I am afraid of all its rawness

all is pain.

I Want to SEE these views again

and again

I want to look out on the beauty of God's Creation

and give thanks

for EVERY thing

the good, the bad

the ugly..

because its LIFE

and LIFE can be raw

and messy

and painfully real

and in it's ruggedness

it's beautiful

and I am thankful.

thankful for the air I breath..

the love of family and friends

and of CHRIST JESUS

who's love

saved me from the sin that is me…

I am SO thankful

and am trying to drink it all in