When you become an orphan...
and you aren't a "child" anymore..
there is just OOOOooooodles to do
and it's NOT all fun and games.
aside from the waves of basic grief...
the daily attempt to survive the loss of someone as
hopefilled
joyfilled
knowledge filled
love filled
as our Opa was to us...
There is this OTHER stuff that has to happen
when you lose parent..
& I suppose it's the same if you lose spouse
only hard on totally different levels..
the "OTHER" stuff is just the same
it's yucky..
that "OTHER" stuff.
There are all these very important people you have too meet with
all these important people you have to call
all these important things that NEED doing
all these things you OUGHT to know
and must not forget,
and
you just are so CERTAIN you will miss
"something" very IMPORTANTT
in the
midst of the tears..
thus
I am not at Blessings Farm today
but the birds are singing
outside my window just the same...
the garbage man has come and gone..
and
life goes on in total disregard to my grief
and it's calling to me
and soon..
I will wrap things up "here" and go home
to Blessings Farm.
I have NEVER yet seen it in the spring...
and I am eager to photograph it
to dig in the earth
and discover
I am eager to move those lovely snow ball bushes
BEFORE
they get bigger than me
I am eager to weed around and watch these grow
and figure out if we can harness the passion to grow EVERY silly place
that these Yummies have to grow..
I am eager to attack this field with a brush hog..
and see my barn
eager to attack the Last of the floors and be Nail & Staple free
officially!
eager to really decide WHAT to do about the gaps..
eager to see the water tables in spring
and see what things come
eager to discover hidden beauty
eager to watch a forest
once tenderly cared for,
blossom once again
eager for sunshine
and shade
eager to feel LIFE bursting forth
and to see the smiles long lost now...
return to the Blessings faces
thrilled that, although MUCH delayed
perhaps in the return we can hook up the stove
and we can bake
and cook
and have fun in the culinary arts
perhaps we can finish the kitchen
and get to the pantry!
eager to finish the wall
we only need to
rip apart,
sand
and cut those pallets
oh and...
and slap those suckers up......
oh.. and
then paint them..
but hey..
what's a few days work?
eager to find a spot to use these
eager to see my friendly neighbors
and hear their chipper song
and be cheered
and breath
and grieve..
eager to let the healing begin
the restoration
of hearts
of minds
of a home
a farm
of a family
begin
.....
you coming?
