Wednesday, March 14, 2012


When you become an orphan...
and you aren't a "child" anymore..
there is just OOOOooooodles to do
and it's NOT all fun and games.
aside from the waves of basic grief...
the daily attempt to survive the loss of someone as
knowledge filled
love filled
as our Opa was to us...
There is this OTHER stuff that has to happen
when you lose parent.. 
& I suppose it's the same if you lose spouse
only hard on totally different levels..
the "OTHER" stuff is just the same
it's yucky..
that "OTHER" stuff.
There are all these very important people you have too meet with
all these important people you have to call
all these important things that NEED doing
all these things you OUGHT to know
and must not forget,
you just are so CERTAIN you will miss
 "something"  very  IMPORTANTT
in the 
midst of the tears..

I am not at Blessings Farm today
but the birds are singing 
outside my window just the same...
the garbage man has come and gone..
life goes on in total disregard to my grief
and it's calling to me

and soon..
I will wrap things up "here" and go home
to Blessings Farm.
I have NEVER yet seen it in the spring...
and I am eager to photograph it
to dig in the earth
and discover

I am eager to move those lovely snow ball bushes
they get bigger than me

I am eager to weed around and watch these grow
and figure out if we can harness the passion to grow EVERY silly place
that these Yummies have to grow..

I am eager to attack this field with a brush hog..
and see my barn

eager to attack the Last of the floors and be Nail & Staple free
eager to really decide WHAT to do about the gaps..

eager to see the water tables in spring
and see what things come

eager to discover hidden beauty

eager to watch a forest
once tenderly cared for,
 blossom once again

eager for sunshine

and shade

eager to feel LIFE bursting forth
and to see the smiles long lost now...
return to the Blessings faces

thrilled that, although MUCH delayed
perhaps in the return we can hook up the stove
and we can bake
and cook
and have fun in the culinary arts
perhaps we can finish the kitchen
and get to the pantry!

eager to finish the wall

we only need to 
rip apart,
and cut those pallets
oh and...
and slap those suckers up......
oh.. and
then paint them..
but hey..
what's a few days work?

eager to find a spot to use these

eager to see my friendly neighbors
and hear their chipper song
and be cheered
and breath
and grieve..
eager to let the healing begin
the restoration 
of hearts
of minds
of a home
a farm
of a family
you coming?

Sunday, March 11, 2012

saying goodbye


where you are the only one in the world
where he would draw YOU in
make time to visit
to KNOW you...
quiet talks
good music
easy rhythms
silent walks
unique particularities 
snack time
meal time
joyful times
how DO we just say goodbye?
how do we let our hearts just... LET go?
enough at least to face the day?
Blessings Farm 
and our little family
were so WONDERFULLY blessed to have
in our lives
in our day to day 
Last week
Opa's grand battle with the wicked Cancer ended
Opa went home to Jesus and to Oma
whilst all of heaven rejoices in Opa's arrival
while the Host of Heaven sings praises to Jesus for another soul coming to Himself
we mourn
for we  
we hoped for..
another day
or two
or three
or a week
or month
for cryin out loud a dozen years more would have hit the spot

This weekend we buried the man who raised me up
trained me up
gave my hand in marriage to Machine Man
who rejoiced with us at the entry of each of our Blessings into this world
we sprinkled the earth upon his grave
and wept with loved ones
and celebrated Opa's LIFE with loved ones
i don't have enough words to speak tribute to this Man
this man God chose to be MY father here on earth
this man
who loved so richly
gave so freely
listened to intently
cared so deeply
this man
who so wonderfully paved the way for me to SEE Christ
because he exuded
self control
because he was SO quick to believe good things
to not hold grudges
to forgive quickly
and not gossip... EVER
reading scriptures I was able to SEE it in my Dad
He was simply the most

he will be so missed 
in every day life
in each moment at the farm...

I confess
I am SO thankful to the Lord for this man
for his graciousness
his humor
his deep chats
love of excellence
passion for intellect
desire for simplicity
marvel at technology
I am so honored to just have even 
so blown away that God CHOSE him to be 
MY daddy
the Blessings OPA..

he will be so missed
so very very deeply missed
by all of us here at blessings farm
by all who knew him
you are
you were 
so very very 

till we meet again
my friend
my father